Do not run away from your feelings.
Feed them and they'll figure out another plan.
(this doesn't include anger please. extinguish that bad vibe)



I saw a guy today when i was heading home from AMK after a day with Shima.
Accompanied her to shop for a yellow outfit for her other cousin's party.
I thought yellow was indeed very nice with jeans and heels.
But choose the sun yellow, not too bright, not so dull.
(Freak, now i feel like throwing a gunny sack at this kid one level below at th multi-purpose hall who's screaming weird languages and his high pitch tone is not gonna put me into a more deserved state. I too feel like dumping him in th trash can, yeah those green ones)
I rarely hate kids, serious.
Infact, i could actually put up any scenes with them, not now though.
I didn't know when this came into me but i think it has gotta do with last Friday's freaking revelation, freaking f***ing people.
Sorry back on track.
We didn't see each other for quite some time.
Me and Shima i mean. For atleast 5 years?
We were best friends during p1 and we share th same favorite teacher and we share th same buddy who took good care of us for recess and well, we were th ones who have each others back when we have to sing "we can take a little trip around spore town in a spore city bus...." on the podium early in th morning infront of th whole Yuqun pri.( but i moved to merlimau th next year)
Oh and Ms Phua came from th school too!
But she always think I'm sarcastic.
There's this irony cause when I'm sarcastic, she took me seriously, and when I'm really speaking truth, she doesn't even care to listen.
Like this point, when she's sharing to th whole class sh alr finished watching heroes season 2, & so i told her too, i did.
But she ignored me. So i guess, she think th whole yuqun pri is fake semata-mata.
Well, i'm not that bad. Nor evil.
I'm only sarcastic when I want to make my point or that i would have figured that sarcasm would be th only way to snap people off their buttcrack and their troubled issues.
Not mocking them though. Because i wouldn't do that.
Maybe sometimes accidentally but I'm not perfect myself then why mock others?
I have my point, you'll see why.
Oh and Shima.
Sh has some tick-offs with her boyfriend, as usual.
I mean not usually her, but typically everyone who has a boyfriend.
& this reminds of some concerning issues of people who seems to see me only occasionally and asking persisting questions whether i have a boyfriend and they would like to see his picture and claims that he definitely should be very special and handsome.
This goes out to Kak Arina and Natria.
*Shakes head.
& if i actually do have a boyfriend, i wouldn't, dunno any rational reasons, to hide him.
& then again, love, its not skin-dipped.
It knows no physical attractions, no bloody money.
I would be freaking happy if i eventually found love.
But then again, who doesn't search for full package?
And again, i would just be evenly contented to know there's someone, out there who loves me.
Well, thats enough.
Oh okay, Shima.
I was occupying myself, sincerely listening to her worries while forgetting about my depressing revelation.
And no, i didn't talk it out to her, cause it would be pathetic and i hate blurting all these shits to any other people than Ummu.
Anw, just now there's a once in a lifetime offer for this dressy red top thingy in th prom shop which initally costs $120 and then dropped to 50! Brrrrr.
I locked my eyes at it and find my way accross th crowd to clutch it.
And just when i touched it, this other girl, who looked like a 19, had her hands on it too.
Well, i give in, not because i'm relatively nice but because she seems to be desperate for some celebrating occasion and her mum, very menacing, by th corner of my eye, folded her arms and i swear i could see some hot-breathing fumes escaping from her nose.
So, i walked away just affording a bitter smile.
I grabbed her hand out th shop and said there is no hope.
But eventually, she found this very exquisite yellow tanky which is abit dressy long with frills at th bottom. Simple but perfect.
Then i had to rush because my mum said we want to go visit nenek, nono, atuk.
Freak! wrong. Busu.
Sigh. I had this other depression.
This week, i saw 3 funerals consecutively.
2 veryvery near my room window and its a distraught and a memory review too.
Th last 2 years, i lost the only 2 grandparents i had left.
First, nenek. Then atuk, th next year.
I miss fidgeting nenek's skin and accompanying her in her room to listen to her stories, even repeated.
I miss tricking atuk into boxing him & taking him to long evening walks on his wheel chair.
But i guess, its really over.
yeah, no one to cuddle with.
Its okay.
Oh guy, overhead bridge, topman tee, jeans, nike shoes and a startlingly handsome face!
And he smells good too.
Thats one of th first thing i would naturally do if i was thinking about someone passing by.
Shima, lives in tamp and so i have all th journey to myself which means i get to wallow on my sadness again.
So i wasn't really in a good mood which is quite bad.
I noticed him when i was walking up th bridge.
I too recognised it was topman as my bro has th exact same shirt.
But i didn't look at him more, cause i figured he doesn't need my attention like he can definitely grab a thousand of others.
So i walked by convincing myself he's just another.
A few steps later, there's a tap on my shoulder and so i turned quite on shock.
I took off my ear piece while he says he saw i dropped this nametag from two years back camp which i hung on my black bag as well, a memoir.
I could only mouthed a thanks and a quick look in his eyes.
My heart skipped. It did a backflip too.
But well again. Temporary emotions. Temporary people.