&Enough is enough.
It takes a mean person to know one (Tiara's statement, now.) I am one too, I guess.
But lets just revive our hearts back, alright?
I know this wouldn't happen overnight &you can't wake up with CHANGE th next sun rise.
I MEAN COME ON!
History will stay marked, but however it is, we'll strive to make Earth a HAPPY place to breathe in/dream on/ live in &crap.
Remorse is NOT STRONG ENOUGH to help start anew, I can't deny. (I wish it is, though)
But life is a journey, not just an end, you see.
It'll make us stronger, you'll see that too :DD
SOON, I MEAN.

Labels: Oh don't come crawling under my weakest fears and claim that you know me so well.

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Dear utterly blind cupid,

Labels: Who needs love anyway?

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Being faithful requires choosing what you'll be faithful to, what you'll have faith in, that there is a choice involved. Happiness depends on how you choose to see things so, you still have an option in your life no matter th situations. But love is beyond reach &fate, is furthermore. &If i really am, there can be no backtracking as this emotion I can't be able to compete. But I believe, being happy abt something before it's absolutely real will jinx th things, therefore creating alot of unhappiness because smth could always go wrong. & You'll miss out on enjoying th good things you actually do have.

Labels: Th world is black and hearts are cold. You should know.

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Dear Aunt Linda,
Anyway, yeah we love dinner though :D Oh & I won't blame you for Kak Hani's characteristics, I bet sh gets it from her dad. Okay, wait; that wouldn't help right? Urmm, I still like dinner.

Oh &Xinen, I visited your blog(:.
Haha, cute ah you.
I really believe you will get it back, esp with your lucky charm attached t your expensive phone.
Th one from Japan that we believe will help you curse those fat people. Haha.
I hope that blessed charm god will come alive like a genie and tie all those bastards tgth.
P.s; You're are always pretty. Only, when you get too stressed up, then i think thats when ppl start t run away. haha. Kidding.
:D.
& Fara, please don't get extremely anxious since you told me your whole body is unstable plus shaking & that you feel nauseous until you won't follow your study timetable!
Take a step back & take a chill pill too!
;everything will be fine.

Labels: More than words. More than love. More than a girl.

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Again, school was damn funny.
Th teachers made us imagine them naked,
& it seriously helps us remembering whatever they're teaching.
For example, th other day, Mr Tan was saying;
"How else am i gonna get your attention?"
Someone blurted out; "Strip!"
&He was; "I could but at th canteen later with everyone else hor"
Then Mr Ching during A-maths;
"Cher, how come our asap like non-existent like that"
"I got a compulsory ceremony"
"Orh, its okay if you be honest & say you're going for a date"
"You know ah Zul, if I'm going dating, I'll be naked(!!!)"
All of our jaws dropped, "Why th hell?"
&I said, "Isn't it th after effect of dating?"
He continued his theory &logic (???) but we couldn't focus because imagining him was quite disturbing.

Anyway, in class just now, we encounter a major theft.
Break in or not, still investigating.
Helped XinEn &Fara just now for a few hours with Lydia, GuoXun, Ewee &Sol.
&All I can say is there's a serious logic &reasoning behind our findings.
&We are not so dumb, you know. But honestly I pity Rosy&Fara.
Shall stop here.

P.s; if you get caught, I'll clap my hands and cheer.
P.p.s; If you get caught, prolly you can't take O's.
P.p.p.s; & If its really you, th 2 girls are gonna be damn disappointed cause being friends, they thought, would mean more to you.

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I hated you. Since th first time I saw you, th first time i knew you, th first time I looked into your eyes of conspiracy, unoriginal-ity and th inobvious attention seeking. I wish you know I hate you; that your presence just makes me sick actually. Its too bad I'm a bad loser & you're not, I guess. Maybe you've always been blinded by unfounded truths. Maybe nobody gives a damn to point out your failings, but when they do it, it knocks th hell out of you, your stubbornness sucks as much as your unruly success. I want you to know that most of th times I feel like slapping your face more than liking to have to start up a convo with you. I want you to know I never liked you & I probably never will. There's no other alternatives at this point of time though I tried (very hard). What's up with you? I know I ever encounter some bunch of self-impressed and ignorant idiots under one roof but it never fails to give a tight squeeze to my heart. Maybe yeah I know, I'm not perfect myself. But just, this once okay, I hate you.

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Dear ________,

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Okay, firstly lets wish NURUL SYAFIQAH a Happy Birthday :D
Congrats on being a 16.
Me &Sem do hope you love our zara top& Guess wallet cause we couldn't see your reaction.
& You look just beautiful yesterday :DD
Dear Syanaz,

My job is to make-and keep- everybody happy, yet I'm th one with th least juice.I wanna be a real good friend & i search for just th same thing.Anyway, i guess you have better,better things to do. & Now I'm just depressed about my condition, you know.

Right now I can't sleep. I can't read.Novels demand some concentration and for what? People and problems that don't even exist? Magazines are trivial and garish. Th grinning models and millionaires are just asking for it; they make me want to stab their eyes out. Everyone gives them th pleasure, all this rich&beautiful assholes with no life prances. Money should buy lastingness, because thats th only thing I want around here, goddammit, lastingness. If you were here, you could tell me to be less cynical, and that will tape me down instantly because you understand whats happening to me, to my life. I'm downright timid &evidence shows. But all these prick human beings around me prefer sticking to their bloody perspectives and shut their eyes damn tight. Say, I'm very-well confident and proud. They never approach and ask when I'm in trance; because they thought I could do on my own. But life right now puts me under tranquility and yes I'm more sedated. I'm more selfish, I'm more stubborn. Hell who cares what people feel anyway. & Sya I know you would feel like slapping my cantankerous face. Well, I feel like it too, plus on your behalf. But I will try, as much as possible, to keep th vulnerable side of my heart; even a small area, well I'm trying.( tick tick tick)

I want someone by my side; sending me brain waves, fierce ones, willing me to keep fighting, demanding me to cast a smile on my erratic face, telling me that my life is going to show up in another new light. I know Sya, you said a gazillion times, OI I'M HERE. But everytime you do that, i feel like throwing your quilt over you then tie you up and hold you hostage in your closet until you swear not to say that again, cause I know you know what I actually am saying. I trusted a whole bunch of people but here they are standing, scratching their fat asses while I'm struggling to find my innocent heart again. Only a few remained stiff on th ground after heavy blows of storm. I'm usually in my impervious self, & ofcourse you know, you're my cousin right. But this only happens a few years ago; you knew that too. Some! Many might say I always am in denial but its a kind of coping, a way of being blind to know what you cannot change and a stubbornness that th future will be th way i want it to be.

I'm gutted from days of waiting& nights of fear. Lonesome and scared, I want to reach to him. Badly. Real, real bad. Cause I do not know how long is this Earth gonna contribute to my days of life. & I'm scared.

Thanks for having me over, when I'm dead alone at home while school is sucking all my friends' sense. I want more David Cook and you can have Adam Brody. & I hate it when you stop your fights about all these freaking hot hollywood guys because that is exactly my point, dear Sya. I wanna have an excuse to smack th pillow to your head and smear leftover whipped cream to your uncovered bodyparts! Haha, but well, I do that too, when I don't have any better reasons. Oh and I couldn't sleep because my pms just drop by. &I'm waiting for my heartless brothers, incase this overnight plan could soften their hearts and gimme 50 freaking bucks from their thousand over salary.

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I am still addicted to A Little Piece of Heaven & Afterlife.
Ewee said if I finally decided to kill her just like in ALPoH, sh said, I wouldn't make it.
Because sh'll make me laugh and drop my parang.
Hahahahahah.
Recently too, there were too many teachers I yearn to strangle.
Grrrrrr. I wouldn't tell you because who knows they'll pass by this pathetic webbie and th next thing I'll know, every one of those would stop teaching me, (wait, like as if their teachings are so effective), okay fine, BASIC teachings.
Through th years, everyone agreed, I became more disgusting.
Sem said not physically, but mentally.
Then i went, Eh please. This grossologies are for entertainment purposes.
(& No, its not those horny typa disgusting.)
& I really am not. Really, really.
I'm seriously clean and my mental health is completely normal like every other 15.
So please, do not out of a sudden abandon me when i start my crap.
Its a form of self-entertainment, i bet everybody does that; EWEE!, Sem, Dori, Lum, Syaf, Mythilli, Fatimah, PeiL, YY and alooooooot more :DD
I think prolly i got it from them lah right.
:DDD

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Dear Tiq,

I think I'm prolly okay right now.
Well, what do you know, I'm an upbringing woman with repressed anger flowing in me.
Formative teens kinda suck cause we easily surrender to big-O emotions.
But its ABIT fun too because we can do what th adults can't do.
Ytd i had hell lot of fun; i mean cause we got to catch up with one another with show&tell plus saying things we would not have said(like real mean things like how I**** hates his gf's parents) to our bfs & gfs and watch alot of (hilarious)Japanese's game shows on youtube while eating 2 boxes full of Munchy's donuts. I wonder how will we be when we grow up; like who's gonna get married first or who will be th first pioneer successful one in th family or bullshits like who's the first heart that is gonna stop beating forever. Its freaking scary because th future is never in our hands how much we ever try to work it out. I remembered how 8 years ago, when we wanted to be in th older, teenage cliques so we invited ourselves to th room where they will pour alot of verbal crap, us kids did not have a clue how to do it. But all those kental-unmatang ones, were kicked out and asked to leave and shut th door behind us. So, we entertain ourselves by jumping on another room's bed while clutching th big rabbit soft-toy. & When we were utterly bored, we would sneak infront of th closed doors and carefully put our ears on th door. I bet everyone knows we were sneaking up on them because just outside were th parents whom i bet were always discussing about th next holiday getaway or about us, you know how we are progressing and stuffs, oh and family recipes too. Th matang people in the room i bet knows too(might be from th shadows of our feet or our unsteady footsteps or our accidental giggle) because everytime we were near, suddenly their mutters stop. Cruel teens, we say. Haha, but now, everyone is in th same room sharing about almost anything. We even huddled with each other on one big bed, while freely putting our legs on one another's limbs and play their hair plus switching phones now and then. Just look how far we've come. I'm so proud of all of you.

&Stop asking when will I find atleast one guy. Love comes when they come. Yeah thats why I'm patiently waiting. & I dunno, really I dunno. I could go bonkers SOMETIMES thinking about this. Cause just look at you guys, so freaking happy with each other. Oh and stop getting pissed with your parents! You know restu is very important in every child's life. & try looking at th bright side. Though very, very difficult, it helps. I'll write to you some other day alright.

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F____.
You don't go around giving people f____ hope when you yourself is not capable of a f____ answer.
You don't go around talking about everybody when they are nowhere near because you finally have the opportunity to point your bloody finger at her face and make her look like a total, complete, idiot who wants the bloody position.
You don't go around wanting to take people's position then talk about fairness next.
You think its cute?
This thing you're doing?
I don't think so.
& Say it to th face please.
I know all this bitching thing is not new.
But my hands are trembling and i have no freaking idea why suddenly these tears weld up.
How could they possibly do this?
Give hope and faith just to embarrass someone th next moment?
It wasn't me who build this whole f____ idea.
Your bloody rights what bloody post go swallow them, piece by piece.
I've had enough.
All these corrupted jealousy.

This time, i think i'd rather stay a distant.
No mood working with people who don't f_____ understands what ppl feel.
Yeah, no f____mood.