Thank god I rejected th sentosa invitation cause I bet i'll be sleeping ard w drunken strangers at night over by th beach &get all drenched w either rain or get blown away by th strong winds. But th idea seems pretty tempting though. Still, waking up on th sands of ecp &to th morning orange sun w ppl you know, DREAMING on cycling on a gold rimmed bicycle, a basket in th front containing a stalk (or 2) of white daisy, your favorite book &a bagel with a ribbon in your hair is satisfying enough I guess? Plus an original ray bans on, w th Smiths blasting out loud. Didnt happen tho. Except endless rounds of taboo &ridiculous choreography of chop chilli accompanied by single-minded laughters. I am currently in fatigue &shivering from th weather I suppose? I love how my voice sounds a little condensed when I have a blocked nose though. Ciao for now. Will update more sooon.

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To reassure myself &th readers, of who's left, I am still staying in this blog &will continue blogging, thank you.

I love you a little less than i did yesterday. ▲▲

unhappy. ▲▲

I am viewing &reviewing Leona Lewis' happy video over &over again.

with little perfection ▲▲

I love people with individuality. Who can’t seem to stop talking &stumbling upon the most nonsensical &perplex gritty things in th world &be able to crack jokes that aint funny. I love candid shots &prefer blunders of a show than th show itself. I love to walk on wet grasses barefooted &purposely brush my hands on plants in th morning to feel their dew. I prefer artiste who have ridged, dark voices than a potential grammy’s with crystal clear melodies. I love torn &tattered clothes, a little bit extra large &a little bit wrong because that way, it brings out my personality w/o me having to tell ppl so. I dont know why I wear thick eyeliners, but I love that it looks like a huge bum in my eye. I love all things imperfect &awkward because that’s as real as it gets. That is how real life is. Life is no gossip girl epic. Life is epic- only with imperfections.

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Fuck ppl who have ingenuine perspective.

Tears dry on their own. ▲▲

All I can ever be to you,
Is a darkness that we know,
And this regret I got accustomed to,
Once it was so right,
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night,
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached,
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I don't understand,
Why do I stress the man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,

How can I play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
In this blue shade,
My tears dry on their own,

So we are history,
YOUR shadow covers me
The sky above,
A blaze only that lovers see

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I wish I could SAY no regrets,
And no emotional debts,
Cause as we kiss goodbye the sun sets,
So we are history,
Your shadow covers me,
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
In this blue Shade,
My tears dry on their own,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
My deep shade,
My tears dry on their own

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
My deep shade,
My tears dry.

gimme a reason ▲▲

How come I have a feeling that they dont know me for who I am?

i wanna go yours. ▲▲

I just got done shifting furniture around in my room, alone; just to present myself w an orbit of satisfaction so that I don't feel so rotten &useless. Its a familiar natural condition for me to challenge myself &get my ass going when I'm consciously falling into a paranoia. Its some sort of self-immunity to stray away from capitulating into a self-acknowledged depression. I think I'm getting a good grip on that, besides expressing bits of my life story on heavily shattered versions in blogger. Most of th time idk who's listening. I'd like to believe i dont care though.

▲▲

"Stop there, &lemme correct it
I wanna live a life frm a new perspective
You come along because I love your face
&Well, who cares divine intervention,

I wanna be praised from a new perspective."

-P.A.D

th wind ▲▲

I want to meet Julian Carax &be surprised.
Be gnawed by his bewitching wisdom of frontier &eyes of th light of a fiery sphere.
Whose existence never crossed any line of reality compared to innumerable replicas of stick man called a kind of humanity.
But I'm just breathing in th smell of old paper &dust. Of invincible friends made through pages of narrative pleasures- th ones that I'll never touch &won't be fancied by stories of my time.
Still, I want to get lost in a universe of erratic notion that means more than chasing down this concrete city jungle of modern wonders that doesn't intrigue me as much as ancient enigmas.
I didn't think anyone had succeeded to leave me with such a robust effect which empowers me to start living.

we're all fucked up. ▲▲

According to theories of well-speaking locale who strongly believed in th importance of education & moral dignity of such, we should trace youth fondly &slowly while stand amiably on our roots to uphold reputation &individual value. But according to modern teenagers who are usually regarded &viewed as adolescents back in their time or as of now, we trust that having a robust, ambitious frame of th future are th sweetest &th correct way to live. Living in sin is th new thing, being obedient was an antique. Yet there has got to be a quota, a personal limit where you have to start considering your genuine state of mine, your initial foundation ; &not of influence or drastic lifestyle changes. There's no such thing as being processed to a stature that is ridiculously opposite, there's only confusion.

i'm a little rough ard th edges. ▲▲

Today was like a 'hard candy w a surprise center', somehow cause everything from th start of th day seemed so bullshit &unpromising that it even leaves us in fatigue for having a glimpse of our timetable.
But have you ever had like uhmm a lucky charm of some sort where you intentionally wear on a day where you expect everything to be dire, so that in the end, by putting no prompt effort, you'd trust it to work its magic against this world so full of wrong?
Hmm maybe not just an average charm, how abt a lucky underwear?
Ok maybe not.
I know I look like a seemingly modern generated lady who is suppose to process by clear logic &true rationale but sometimes I thank god I am still an old bloke at heart.
Bloke is not exactly a word for me, but it's ancient enough that it should be used- besides, I tell most ppl I am a man in disguise so they wont expect me to be much of a lady; so as to say, in that case, I do spend less time convincing myself otherwise too.
Its hard being a girl, trust me.
Frankly, I dont even care I laughed wholeheartedly like a man who is in denial of his mid-life crisis (eg; my dad) that my cheeks hurt til I have a very bad headache so I slept all th way on th train, occasionally bumping into helmi's shoulder right after I rudely rejected his offer for an innocent pact that consist of leaning over. Nope, told you I'm a man.
Moral of th story is, sometimes, you dont have to explicitly plan evth out to grant us the benefit of having no doubt when we could go w th flow, wherever it takes us, cause th surprise might be exhilarating enough to satisfy you. Us. we. me.

breathe you in ▲▲

I love th smell of rain.
I love th sound when it hits th concrete, city grasses beneath my feet.
I love how th tiny raindrops bounces off th ground.
I love how you wont ask me to speak up when I'm quite.
I love it when you decided to walk w/o shelters above our heads- because altho thats what it felt like; comfort in uncertainty is th only form of happiness I can afford at th mo.