Okay, firstly lets wish NURUL SYAFIQAH a Happy Birthday :D
Congrats on being a 16.
Me &Sem do hope you love our zara top& Guess wallet cause we couldn't see your reaction.
& You look just beautiful yesterday :DD
Dear Syanaz,

My job is to make-and keep- everybody happy, yet I'm th one with th least juice.I wanna be a real good friend & i search for just th same thing.Anyway, i guess you have better,better things to do. & Now I'm just depressed about my condition, you know.

Right now I can't sleep. I can't read.Novels demand some concentration and for what? People and problems that don't even exist? Magazines are trivial and garish. Th grinning models and millionaires are just asking for it; they make me want to stab their eyes out. Everyone gives them th pleasure, all this rich&beautiful assholes with no life prances. Money should buy lastingness, because thats th only thing I want around here, goddammit, lastingness. If you were here, you could tell me to be less cynical, and that will tape me down instantly because you understand whats happening to me, to my life. I'm downright timid &evidence shows. But all these prick human beings around me prefer sticking to their bloody perspectives and shut their eyes damn tight. Say, I'm very-well confident and proud. They never approach and ask when I'm in trance; because they thought I could do on my own. But life right now puts me under tranquility and yes I'm more sedated. I'm more selfish, I'm more stubborn. Hell who cares what people feel anyway. & Sya I know you would feel like slapping my cantankerous face. Well, I feel like it too, plus on your behalf. But I will try, as much as possible, to keep th vulnerable side of my heart; even a small area, well I'm trying.( tick tick tick)

I want someone by my side; sending me brain waves, fierce ones, willing me to keep fighting, demanding me to cast a smile on my erratic face, telling me that my life is going to show up in another new light. I know Sya, you said a gazillion times, OI I'M HERE. But everytime you do that, i feel like throwing your quilt over you then tie you up and hold you hostage in your closet until you swear not to say that again, cause I know you know what I actually am saying. I trusted a whole bunch of people but here they are standing, scratching their fat asses while I'm struggling to find my innocent heart again. Only a few remained stiff on th ground after heavy blows of storm. I'm usually in my impervious self, & ofcourse you know, you're my cousin right. But this only happens a few years ago; you knew that too. Some! Many might say I always am in denial but its a kind of coping, a way of being blind to know what you cannot change and a stubbornness that th future will be th way i want it to be.

I'm gutted from days of waiting& nights of fear. Lonesome and scared, I want to reach to him. Badly. Real, real bad. Cause I do not know how long is this Earth gonna contribute to my days of life. & I'm scared.

Thanks for having me over, when I'm dead alone at home while school is sucking all my friends' sense. I want more David Cook and you can have Adam Brody. & I hate it when you stop your fights about all these freaking hot hollywood guys because that is exactly my point, dear Sya. I wanna have an excuse to smack th pillow to your head and smear leftover whipped cream to your uncovered bodyparts! Haha, but well, I do that too, when I don't have any better reasons. Oh and I couldn't sleep because my pms just drop by. &I'm waiting for my heartless brothers, incase this overnight plan could soften their hearts and gimme 50 freaking bucks from their thousand over salary.