I said I never felt important to anyone when Tiq continues talking abt her, celebrating her anni on 28th.
"What do you mean?"
"No doubt you've forgotten"
"Come on, don't play mmind games pls"
"How could you? I booked you &th rest on 28th!"
"But your bigday is on sunday!"
"Yes &I alr planned it out didn't I? With you?? My friends got me for 29!"
"I***, look sorry, I guess I was abit packed"
"Yeah no thanks to your love"
"I was kidding, come one!"
"No, I soooooooooo got your tone!"
Then we hung up.

A few minutes later sh texted,

"It was so hard to hear that you said you never felt important to anyone.
I love you.&don't think that because of one silly mistake, th love is altered.
For example, when your friend said sh have tuition doesn't mean sh don't give a damn.
How could you not feel that we care? Could we have been bad at loving you? Or could no one love you enough?"

"Maybe my mood have been flying miraculously these few days, but babe, actions speak louder. Their eyes, their words, their reactions."

"How much you think you know a person, nobody could go deeper to whatever sh has in mind. Sometimes words that we should say, is kept on tight, but words that are not meant to be heard, are permit to fly. You have, all your life, been thinking too much"

"I wasn't!"



Th only way to begin again, I thought, was to calm myself, and stop thinking!
I always felt terrible in being quiet or stay emo, but sometimes it rocks alot to not have to talk. I quickly found a way to justify my state, to rationalize what I knew I had been weak, what had simply been wrong. I wrapped it in a flag of mental breakdown; that maybe th attention at home &in school is too brittle, that I had too much things to do, that I thought I was alone because everyone close to me alr has a significant other, that O's is affecting my habits and my way of life, that I start being more delirious and stubborn and curious and restless and tired. I told myself it was no one's business; about all these that's playing in my mind, not even yours, Tiq. I said this is part of th phase, so it had nothing to do with anyone.

I'm tireless. Tiresome too, but sometimes, I tell myself everything I do is for a worthy cause. In this case, I have to find myself, and be able to fly again as soon as I take that other step.