I thought I had change;
so much more than what words could describe.
But th more I feel myself being different,
th more I see my roots, th more appreciative I get,
th stronger I was growing.
&Then soon, I realised I'm not changing, I'm evolving;
I was slowly becoming what I want to be,
what I should be.





GOING ON 16.


I'm a sicko, a bloody idiot in situations where it concerns failing. I have a whole junk of attitude I couldn't kick out yet. I press people for answers and details when I know they're wrong, arrogant and overconfident because life was just as harsh for me. Since I started exposing to life, I've always been ambitious &driven, and nobody ever did whole-heartedly encouraged me; cause they didn't want to see me thrive, to see me as someone else under th light of success. In this way, I haven't change-but what I want has. I might want someone/ something easier, someone who wouldn't judge me inside out but someone who takes me as I am, someone who could make me th center of gravity &something that is straight ahead for me. Which makes me wonder whether there's something else behind my own demand.

&Eversince I stood on my own feet and find my own strength, life gets tougher. My bravado is my own success, no thanks to anyone. Its easy to finger this all on time, that "Alah, its no big deal", but its a freaking HUGE deal. I feel my unburied resentment and I think its behind my insistence on being strong. It's a test of my patience, devotion, strength and my future. Once my trust is broken, I'm pulling th plug & everybody knows that. But they too know that I'm easy to go forgiving, that everything would be okay. They thought wrong. Cause everything that happened to me would decide a different me.

Everyone is entitled to change and chance. Responsibility offer opportunities. Opportunities make chances. Chances on th other hand, provide plans. And th responsibility is yours. Responsibility to change is yours. If you’re not going to help yourself then don’t bother planning to help others. And I believed that’s where I went wrong too. Look at yourself now, at every inch of your skin, at all your lines on your palms, at how it all is where you are now because it will transform. Why? Because I remembered how I looked at myself ten years ago; so confident that I would be someone and something that is powerful but when I looked at myself now, I was demolished because I wasn’t even near what I thought I would be. Every time I come across my baby pictures, I realized how fast it all has been and I told myself I won’t want to waste anymore time. Because I came into this world as someone life believed they could rely on, someone more than a girl, someone more than something that would be expired when sh dies, someone that could be atleast significant to one, someone more than love. Someone more than th future itself. And I tell myself I’m ready to be that someone I came into this world for. What kind of someone you think you are?