To win, we fall. When faltered, face it. Through fear, we could rise. Only if we dare figure things out then fix them.
I didn't want everybody in th world t turn into fighters; but I wish you guys were. You couldn't call it fighting if it's not difficult, treacherous &fucking demanding, you see. Underdogs, now its really believable. Sigh. Honestly what else could I say? I've been exhausting myself spitting words of encouragement, lousiness &praises yet nothing seem t work. &On th day itself, I didnt friggin know where t start. Do we deserve this? You bet we did. We failed as instructors t pass down well every single thing we know. We suck at teaching &handling newcomers. We have no skill whatsoever t build you guys into th champions we know of. All I can say is tt th walls that are put up t hold you guys back, will fall down. They might be bigger, but we're faster &never scared. You can walk away saying we dont need this; but there's smth in your eyes says we can beat this. &W these, I'll end it by saying, I still believe. Do you?











Soooo, th day was spent w a bunch of people I love. Not all (:( ) but it worked.
They are people I am akin to, ones that are familiar w th way I view th world &ones that respect my wierd train of thoughts &grown t not question them or give those cynical look that meant t crush you. I'm a host of imperfections &I'm glad they see past all that. My love, or should I say, my heart was never altered from th beginning. Ever since I recommenced picking things up where I left them, I had developed into a more private person( I was naturally one originally anw), but now abit more wild &carefree. Its harder t love me, they knew all that.
16 years is tough, &to love, its not easy as it may seem.
I had found beautiful ppl along th way, bt none really ever did etched any purpose of me still surviving. I know I should still feel lucky that my windpipe, all th way t my lungs could still accept sufficient amount of oxygen, but I couldn't help feeling that I should be th one dead instead. I am th one who eats animals &delicious fatty things such as french fries &steak, who didn't dare t swallow any medication yet willingly expose herself t ridiculous danger, who had alr a chance of 16 years t live, who's maybe a little bit bitter &who's maybe a little existentially irritable than a normal human being is-who just days ago would have welcomed a little poison in her veins.
You're taught t believe in causality. If you act up, you'll get punished; if you're good, you'll get a star. If you eat an apple each day, you'll live t 82. But that only works in pre-sch. If it works now, I'll be th one having surgery or better, dead.
Again, I can't help t wonder whether there are certain criterias t be dead, exceptional of illnesses &th purposeful killings (oh &old-age); is there like a list of pointers before god make up his mind that we are suppose t die?
Anw, I'm hungry.

Labels: Full Circle