Its a combination of circumstances that enlightened me today (from 12 midnight onwards).
At times I used t shrink back with certain ppl's approach; even tho I seemed pretty comfortable, I felt cocky &irritable.
&Thats just when I realised that it is this type of ppl that made me insecure &low all th time &they are th ones that dissuade me from emerging underneath my shield; hindering me from taking those risks that could've been prominent t me.
I didnt say this before but my new year's resolution was t be bold &courageous plus being a little bit of edgy (which explains vaguely my haircut), yeah &apart from bertaubat-ing (whatever it is, only Amalina knows, completed w a whole list), but I was suddenly wondering whether that is how I want t potray myself when i'm right in front of whoever.
Is is 1) untouchable(?) I'm looking for or 2)respect (?) or could it be 3) fronting t be dauntless with absolute confidence &outgoing(????)

1)I dont want t make myself look untouchable for sure. I dont want ppl t be scared t befriend me. I want them t see there's more t me than skin &bones & more than th air of presence btween them. I'm nothing near arrogant completely.

2) Ofocurse respect right. Who doesn't want t be respected?

3) Right that day when I see th way he wanted t approach me; directly I felt a tinge of guilt &uncertainty. He clearly thought I was smth else. He thought I was th one he wanted. Appealing, bold &fresh. But I'm not. I'm vulnerable &timid. &I'm nowhere near fresh; my past haunts me everytime &I couldn't honestly say that I ride head first w/o strings attached cause fact is, my past had been th key driving force of my whole world. T be honest, I couldn't have made it w/o it. &That are practically th reasons why I didnt want t come back. I didnt want t let him down. I didnt want t shimmer some hopes then push him down right off th cliff w a crash landing. I didnt want t risk things. &Thats what I am right. Just a stupid bloody coward.

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