i.

"i am going t make every person
around me as happy as i can,"
I bravely said it out loud t you,
staring intensely at an old woman,
picking out cans from th rubbish.
I expected you t say smth.
But you didnt, you leaned forward
&squinted your eyes t mine.
"What?" I laughed.
"I was only kidding!"
you either thought I was serious
or that I was drunk.
but I never drink.

"you should get a job," you offered,
and i scribbled a heart on a useless brochure
and say that making people
happy will be my new job.

"hey, I'm serious!
you should get a paying job,"
you clarify, and i folded th paper into planes.
atleast I wanted it t look like it have wings.
it didnt turn out like its suppose t so i just
dump it on th road &watch it get crushed.

you don't need money if you're
dead.

ii.

you said abt gg t medical sch t be a doctor
because I couldnt.
then, you joked tt actually you just
wanted t keep me alive
because you thought I would've welcome
poison in my blood if I failed anymore,
down th road.

i joked abt doing some nice deeds,
so ppl will write kind things
abt me on my obituary page.

we laughed at our own,
but neither of us think th other
is particular funny.
its only funny why today we couldnt.
have you been reading my blog,
Tiq?

iii.

we were having ice-cream while watching
gilmore girls' dvds when you asked on a lighter note,
"did you really mean it, abt making ppl happy?"
i said ofcourse not, like i have nth better t do.

i thank u for not questioning me anymore
so that i dont have t tell you th ppl i wanna make
happy are th ones i dont care abt.

so tt way i wont feel as bad when i fail.

second, i wanted t give myself a way of mercy.
i can nvr seem t get thru myself.

Labels: We're all in tears for a world thats broken