How can all of us; created from two lovers, forming a mere blood clot, to some fleshes of meat, to a fragile, puny heart beating outside of our body, to floating in our mum's wombs, to crying when we got out to see th rest of th world etc etc etc; then having different destinies the very next day?
Where's th transition? I thought we were created under similar circumstances, we were meant to have th same chances; same chances of falling in love, of having enough money, of being successful, of having th career we want, of being wherever we want to be. But suddenly how come some ppl are born into poverty (unable to break away out of it), why some were diagnosed with cancer when they're 16, why some were left broken-hearted for th rest of their lives?

Its irrational but I keep feeling there must be a higher level of management where we could get some satisfaction on th deserving &th not so. Why are my chances different? Why am I surrounded by beautiful ppl allotted to beautiful closure? &Why some have an easy way when some never made it?

Its obsessive, I've become a little obsessive, I'm obsessing. Over &over I think; What happened? And when? What should we do now? Are we doing everything right? Are we doing everything we can? Is there something we're not doing?

Sometimes, this obsessing leads to you; as humiliating as this is to admit. I loved th memories; it's th one thing I never got tired of. Who ever knows why one face moves you th way it does. You're a handsome man, of course, but thats not what it is. I recognized something, something like a pull, a magnet maybe, something that made me think I'd trust you &that you'd do th same to me.

But that was th one thing we didnt do. I didnt at first, you did; but you followed by, giving similar treatments, practically showing symptoms of giving up. Of all th moments I could've remembered, why th first one? I was sitting, staring at my food, &then I saw you, talking to your friends, &when you did, you saw me watching you &then I looked away. You then returned th favour but you couldn't really feel my heart on th verge of jumping off my chest. I didnt knew such feelings existed. &I didnt knew it would linger th way it lingers til now. Your friends were still talking, you were looking at them for some time but it looks like you were disattached, &a smile crossed your face, a sly smile. A part of me willed you to come to me, to say Hi but that would've been so slick I'd hated it. A part just like it that. My friends said you look like trouble &til now, they dont understand why... Of all people, I think they should've known th power of it all.

Anw, because of some history like that, any love story that comes in my way could've been defeated in any instance. &Every other people wanted it easy, who wonders why I'm so difficult &unforthcoming; &th reason is clear, I want a story; an extraordinary one that could put off yours. You knew why I'm like that, but you were th one who got it all wrong.