Nights like these should be festive. Loud &meaningful. Just like New Years, we should embrace th atmosphere, laugh wholeheartedly &not be dubious to show love. On th other hand, there is a short list of approved reasons to leave your feelings to melancholy; which, (besides death), includes having to wear an outfit you hate, having very little kuehs to feed those very hasty, hungry for first-hand-judgments house guests, having very bad skin condition due to scrubbing th clogged up tiles with your raw hands &anticipating th duit-rayes to not fall from effect of recession.

Anw, all of these aren't excuses that are making me a little grouchy &quiet despite th fact that I felt like a modern-day cinderella on some occasions. You know, when you don't have a sister, you tend to prefer spending time w yourself in th close sanctuary of your room then having boyish, bickering moments with th boys. While I'm reminiscing, th guys are tuning in to th Arsenal's match now; cheering &hissing, but I can't exactly tell what they feel. Not Arsenal's performance, i mean (they're winning &they'll win, i know). Anw, they are always noisy; talking or singing at th top of their lungs at home, which always makes me wonder whether they have pensive moments with themselves. I am suppose to be one of those ppl to see them most vulnerable but now, really, what are they feeling? I know what my mum has at th back of her mind; 4 teenage kids, 1 uptight husband (hahaha sorry abah), what do you expect? Besides, sh speaks to me most of th time; sh's like an open book to me, sensitive but expected. My brothers are just plain annoying, only SOMEtimes, brotherly.

I am looking forward to alot of things, partitioning &recording them all in my calender while leaving myself little time as possible to sit &dream of how perfect it would be, so as to not jinx th possibilities of it not to turn out successful. I am very fearful. You should have known by now. Ytd, I've met another quarter of th team, then proceeded to th meeting &realized how much work I'm delivering to myself. I cant imagine th load I'm stuck with! But at this point, its all or nothing. Soon anyway, I hope Fiona is seeing where I'm coming from. Why I'm full of adrenaline &excitement; not why I'm so outspokenly bitchy &mean! Hahaha right now, sh should also understand my state of helplessness cause I think, I think, sh had found her eye candy too! Its been quite a hassle meeting new ppl, but I hope evth will go well!

Anw, I'm musing over th ones who used to be around me 24/7. I sit on my armchair &stare at th pictures on my wall &wonder what they're doing. Mugging like lifeless zombies; busybusy like bees while I'm always desperately praying they get promoted &dammit get done w these situations, recurring like an epidemic of some sort. I wish whoever is in-charge give them mercy, I love them, you know. Hoping I crossed their minds too, i just want them to know that I'm trying to soar; like eagles with beautiful wide wings, gracefully sliding over icy mountain tops; I am in th second last stage in trying to soar. That is it. I am th same as I am, four yrs ago. Just a teeny bit different. I guess. But I'll leave you w a convincing stand. So yeap, just a little.