You'd expect to be level-headed and consolidated when wrapping up th year. But at th mean time, I was left destitute of safety or a person stable enough to save me. People expect you to be polished all th time, to put in effort to try to resent perpetual misery and just fucking stop talking about emotional nonsense. They know its difficult, but they dont know how to listen. &Sometimes we dont want to be sophisticated &flawless or pretty either; we'd want to just make plenty of hideous mistakes but still having people at th end of th day who thought it was graceful. There are no premonition anymore, this is danger. Jumbled up thoughts with receding conformity wont let me settle to a decision when guns are pointed to your head. I have a weightage of things on my shoulder and no party's giving me mercy. Sometimes all you need is help &they're making it difficult just for mindless fun.