"It makes no difference, you gonna die sooner or l8r anyway"

"So if your dad dies now, it'll be fine?"

"I didn't say its ok but"

"But what? You'll get over it as if he never existed?"

"No, we get on with our life, then what are we suppose to do?"

True enough, but I never sensed humanity so hopeless through your insensitivity. I never knew that we were supposed to dismiss a person from our memory as soon as they die. Because there are other people blooming and more fun, tt life offers too great a pleasure to waste meaningless time to appreciate life, but with money, clothes, clubbing, friends that do not stay through the night, a statement of intend that your life is a fuck mess, wont make me cry because you're mean, i just cant imagine how painful it is to be you. &You still dont blame yourself, you blame your family.

The more days I've survived through, the more I know I'm not alive. I want to start, but not anywhere near here. An attempted life have been swept away in a process of sanitizing so that most physical manifestation of history have been erased. We dramatically reconstructed and deliberately recreated our heritage. The elimination of heritage left us all completely sterile but so tempting to be sized up &shaped through a list of longings to impress strangers. Everybody carries on them a new phase of generation and taste that we dream to cultivate to our children but we're empty &filled with nth more than westernized cravings. Roots are haywire, forefathers misplaced, backgrounds all stained with youth rebelling the new rule of life, no secrets to reveal, just an ordinary path of popular seek-out conversations. Anything else is unwanted. The more we want to be something, the more mediocre we are becoming. Since when its conventional anymore? Its all about money and cycle.

They say the city celebrates big dreams, igniting flames from youths that wants to be famous &recognized but words we share are no less than scrutiny of the real world. We say we want to be happy &be free, but what really is all of that?