........
Isn't that a very appalling fact?"
I asked almost everyone online two days ago &all of them got pissed.
"What th fuck is your problem?"
"I got no problem that's why!"

From time t time, it seems my dilemma was ever a mysterious force; contrary t my heartbeat which is alw calm.
Anyway, unlike my confetti-happy brothers, my very extraordinary best-friends who are inclined t normal daily dealings, I vowed at an early age that my pain should remain as my own; that then I started hardening t a piece of rock/steel.
But it was a few days ago when I started learning that I'm only a poor subjugated girl, enslaved by her own misery, her own promises.
Me being difficult, I thought had always flowered me w th advantage of finding truth &depth in everything; only t find I am drowning in a melancholy of deep waters.
&Honestly, I do not know how t START OVER.
It pains me that I do actually need help.
I need help from strangers that would give me th liberty in finding back my base; th littlest &simplest things that would push me &make my heart beat faster.
Does it ring a bell why I'm too afraid to start th semester in a foreign land?

Situations like this, just make me grow emptier tho I struggle as much t think of three positive things no matter how dire it is. But sometimes I just cant &it becomes twice as hard when ppl expect me t be dignified all th time. &So, tt's how pretence ends up being very normal. Nth much right now can shock me. Nobody can love me. &I can never be enough..for anybody. Nobody.

Labels: Gives hell.