I have t mention how I'm starting t love silence which confused me because it was so good but so contradicting(I alw find it distracting), I couldn't trust it t mean anything; this gesture might have just been a passing condition caused by sheer disgust& overtire-ness.
All th conversations &th dear expressions in all their faces are just so revolting to me.
Its easy t be vulnerable, yielding &grateful when you're distant from all these ppl, but once you're not, its bewildering.
This opposite mutuality made me hit some kind of turbulence; they expect me t speak up, I just want t remain quiet.
Things do not reciprocate any longer.
Th things that usually could make me happy, couldn't favour me in return anymore.
Th things that I wanna do, arent th things that I still wanna do.
I just didnt expect th fact that sh died could affect me. We weren't even close.
Sh died so easily.
Sh wasnt even given another chance.
Sh didnt embody any stupid illness.
Sh just collapse &die.

I was in trance all day but I couldnt point out what made me paranoid.
Was it that sh still had two kids my age t take care of, or was it th way he sounded when he called early in th morn?
Was it th fact that sh had a contentful of purpose t still live for, but god didnt see past that?
Was it because sh's a wonderful, very nice woman, so meaningful &happy?
Why didnt somebody else w/o any reason t live die?
People who are nasty &bad deserve t die instead.

It was all too sudden. All these surprises are unwrapping itself so hastily.
Th terror is seemingly overwhelming you start t question every single thing that had happened.
Like why are you even here?
&then you begin t realise its not really who you want t be.
It's who you are suppose t be.

While people are dying, I'm right here watching telly w a bowl of popcorn, infront of th computer downloading songs. Its clear that we are taking things for granted.
Every single day, we didnt notice that we were given another chance t be who we are suppose t be but we let another day pass by &become a worthless little soul.
I dont want t be worthless.
I want t be worthy..

Labels: I wish I could've done a little bit more like saving lives.