What a long post.
You can choose not t read it anw.

Ytd night I contemplated w myself that I should wrap in early; furthermore Friends ended &I got entirely sick watching t&l after back-t-back Nigella feast &take home chef. They only left me w that waverly story (which I cannot ever laugh to) &Hannah Montana after. Before that, I stuffed myself w everything edible including two packets of maggie, milo in milk, cheese ommelette, leftover kfc, milk again w choco fudge, a mug of hot tea &lastly donuts. Its like a mental note t put in effort.

1.
But when I got into my room, I suddenly froze &stone for 5 whole minutes before I decided t do some re-organizing &spring clean since my parents insisted they needed concrete evidence of my eagerness t revamp my room before we do that.

2.
Although that wasnt th complete reason why; I was happy enough that I had a reason t rely on, no need straddling empty cause it will only leave me t more stoning.

3.
I first went over t my white cupboard full of stupid enriching assessment bks &textbooks from past O's &dump them beside my door then reminded myself I should ask my dad for boxes th next day.

4.
Still not tired out, I started re-packing my shopping stuffs I habitually throw next t my bed that stacked up like some worthless craps, even though its completely untouched; into two big bags.

5.
My mum didnt let me join them w th rest in th wardrobe cause sh labeled it under poly-clothes &sh knows I have th tendency of wearing them then ask for more.

6.
Still no challenge from my eyelids, I left my wardrobe wide open &stare at them. Soon after, I started throwing things out, telling myself I should combine them altgth &donate it somewhere which reminds me how I hadnt start thinking abt my voluntary works.

7.
Lastly, feeling abit more low, I hunched over t th rack which contains evth of my past &I hadnt notice how much I write. (I still even kept this heart-shape box Fara gave me during sec 2 which held all th stuffs sh gave me!!!) I had tons of diaries &when I started reading them one by one, I felt lighter, they cracked me up, esp those in early sec &late pri days until I found that paticuliar diary.

8.
It was all about him. Imagine how bad my english was as it was since gosh, you know. My last entry was about how I promise myself that I will continue th story until he re-appear because darn, that book was thick w entries; I consistently urged myself t write &progress our stages even though I vividly remembered every single one of them.

9.
I then decided t write atleast one entry that night before I turn myself in, so I digged out a pen &began scribbling. But when I stopped, I realised I wasted a whole page on numbers. I cannot think of anth else except our years. Big deal.

10.
Pissed, I wrote in big letters that I am ending th book, about how insignificant he is now, how I ran out of words &how I ran out of feelings. I was so hollowed out that I literally couldn't find th words.

11.
I eat those words like raisins, a word at a time while swallowing back my tears. I carried out in this vein t what seemed like hours.

12.
This time, it wasnt because I love him too much til my heart aches. It was more like I loveD him. Its becoming so surreal because he was a huge part in my life; THEY were a huge part in my life &as I recited th gist of all our memories altgth, I struggled t recollect myself.

13.
Im not directing t him anymore; he can now burn in hell for all I care, I was talking abt all th ones that were there, that had been apart of my story. It hurts that now we are mercifully shifting our focus t what sound like a new life that I alr felt apart of an ancient history. I have a fear of leaving things behind. But I didnt remember how I'd manage t start over so easily.

14.
Oh well, did I?

Labels: Is there another space for another Roman sun?